Mike Wallace In Hell


Mike Wallace, long-time “news” faker, passed away on April 7, 2012. At first he did not realize he had died. This is often the case with the newly deceased. Things seem the same as before until gradually circumstances cause them to finally realize they have shed their material body.

Mike Wallace saw a train. The conductor shouted, “All aboard!” Something about the conductor seemed sinister to Wallace. “I am a big-time reporter,” he thought. “I will investigate this train.” And so Mike Wallace climbed aboard. But he did not realize he had boarded the hellbound train!

“Hmm… This is a seedy bunch of companions I have with me on this train,” Mike thought. Unknown to Mike, however, was that the other passengers were thinking the same thing about him! “What a disreputable-seeming scoundrel,” was the general consensus of the other passengers as they noticed the presence of the big-deal reporter. (In the Other World, we appear as we really are, and not as we pretend to be.)

Mike Wallace looked out the window. The scenery rolled past. “What gloomy terrain,” he thought. “And it sure is getting hot on this train.” Wallace pulled down a window to catch a breeze, but it seemed to do no good. “Oooh… Just wait until I do a report about this train,” he fumed. Wallace took out a notepad and began jotting it all down. The conductor walked by and looked at Mike Wallace with an arched eyebrow. (The arched eyebrow was one of the signature expressions used by Wallace in his “gotcha” television interviews.) That arched eyebrow look from the conductor really got Mike angry. “Is that conductor making fun of me!?” steamed the veteran “news”-caster.

The train – the hellbound train – began to slow. “Final destination!” shouted the conductor. “All passengers must disembark!” Along with the others, Mike Wallace shuffled to the exit and got off the train. First to greet the newly-arrived Wallace was what seemed to be General William Westmoreland! (It may not have been the real Westmoreland but a facsimile image, however. Westmoreland may in fact reside in the other, better place.) The seeming General Westmoreland approached Mike Wallace and plaintively howled, right in the face of the “news” faker, “Why you do this to me, Mike!?” Wallace felt a painful twinge of conscience. In his earthly life he had been a bit hard on the U.S. General. Feeling slightly terrified, Mike Wallace tried to hasten away. Yet amazingly, around every street corner, there would be the seeming General Westmoreland, and he would again howl, “Why you do this to me, Mike!?” And each time this happened, a great pain of sadness and regret was felt by Mike Wallace.

At present, besides eternal visitations from General Westmoreland, Mike Wallace is experiencing constant “ambush interviews.” At any time or place, and without warning, a crew of ghastly camera persons will rush at Wallace. A bloviated interviewer will shove a microphone in the face of Wallace and ask an unanticipated question. The question is always of the type which greatly exaggerates and magnifies any faults in the life of Mike Wallace. Startled, he will hem and haw and an immediate answer will escape Wallace. Then the cameras will turn to the bloviated interviewer, who will display an arched eyebrow.

About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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One Response to Mike Wallace In Hell

  1. Pingback: News Fakers Manipulate Syrian News | Ersjdamoo's Blog

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