Game Over, Assad Wins

Ukraine has disappeared! That contested land has vanished from the “news.” An attention deficit disorder is causing mainstream western “news” outlets to keep hopping from crisis to crisis and never staying focused. Other aggregating web sites just ride the wave: wherever the mainstream goes, they just surf right along. (But Ukraine will be back. Just when you thought it had disappeared, the attention deficit disorder mass media will gobble some sugar and switch gears.)

Downing its 17th cola drink of the day, the mainstream “news” has suddenly noticed Syria. This may have been prompted (besides too much sugar) by top Tehran foreign policy figures who said around May 11th that Iran and Assad have won in Syria. [1]

“We have won in Syria,” said Alaeddin Borujerdi, chairman of the Iranian parliament’s national security and foreign policy committee and an influential government insider. “The regime will stay. The Americans have lost it.” [1]

It was in January 2012 that then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had said that President Bashar Assad of Syria would be “gone” within 3 months. Heeding the command of Secretary Clinton, that Bashar Assad was to be “gone” in 3 months, various bizarre characters appeared. Suddenly seen in the context of Syria were Mr. Moto, international man of mystery, a fat man wearing a fez hat, and Rami the Restaurateur, calling himself the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. And yet even with the assistance of various shady characters, Assad paid no attention to Madame Secretary and refused to budge. [2]

Now Madame Secretary Clinton ironically is the one who is “gone.” She has departed from the State Department and the beloved John Kerry has taken her place. Kerry had been ranting and raving about the “wicked evil” Russia Today network, but then stopped when he realized he was only boosting their ratings. (Background: Meet Russia Today, Ersjdamoo’s Blog entry of May 12, 2014.)

Beloved Kerry had been pondering windsurfing to calm his temper about Russia Today. “Gee, I wish I was windsurfing instead of sitting at this darned old meeting,” he mused as he doodled on a scratch pad. But then the meeting was interrupted by an urgent message: “Mr. Secretary, Iran and Assad have won in Syria, they are saying.”

“Hey, Kerry. You are being ‘dissed’,” advised a reporter soon thereafter.

And so it was that a meeting of “crime families” – the “London 11” – was proposed. The consiglieres (also called diplomats) of various nations were to assemble in London to discuss Syria. Like Tom Hagen flying to Los Angeles regarding Vito Corleone’s godson Johnny Fontane and his contract with Jack Woltz, various “diplomats” are to meet in London this week. [3]

At the May 13th State Department press briefing, a reporter suddenly asked Consigliere Kerry’s lieutenant Jen Psaki, “Can I go to Syria?” [4] (The reporter was not meaning that literally, but was begging permission to ask questions about Syria.)

Aha! So the Syria topic had replaced the Ukraine topic. On May 13th, Syria – not Ukraine – was the hot issue. Suddenly the “chemical weapons” allegations were being raked up. One of the consiglieres, a “Foreign Minister Fabius”, had alleged “14 incidents of chemical weapons use since October by the Syrian regime.” Chlorine gas in small amounts may have been used. “We take this seriously,” Psaki advised. [4]

Watching the State Department press briefing via remote television hook-up, Luca Brasi, enforcer for State, checked his revolver and put on a bulletproof vest. He felt he would soon be having a little chat with Bashar Assad.

(Portions of the above are satirical and not meant literally.)

——- Sources ——-
[1] “Iran and Assad have won in Syria, say top Tehran foreign policy figures”, by Simon Tisdall. Guardian (UK), May 11, 2014
[2] “Deadline For Consolation Prize Clinton”, Ersjdamoo’s Blog, March 16, 2012.
[3] State Department Press Briefing,
[4] State Department Press Briefing,


About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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One Response to Game Over, Assad Wins

  1. Pingback: Luca Brasi Called In | Ersjdamoo's Blog

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