Be on the lookout for Little Dutch Boy (LDB), alias Wouter van Wyck, alias “The Finger”. The lad is suspicioned of perpetrating a hoax upon the Nederlanders involving grandiose claims of having saved Holland.
LDB had enjoyed widespread adulation after it appeared the lad had saved Holland by putting his finger in the dam. Later, Little Dutch Boy arrived in America and became connected with Wall Street. (Background: How the Little Dutch Boy Came to America, Ersjdamoo’s Blog, November 3, 2014.)
However investigative reporters from the Van Tweeter Times, working undercover, have found a shockingly different version of what really happened.
Winant Ten Brock, ace reporter for the Van Tweeter Times, reports in his lead story, “Supposedly Little Dutch Boy had been bringing some cakes to a blind man who lived out in the country. The little fellow started on his errand with a light heart, and having spent an hour with his grateful old friend, he bade him farewell and started on his homeward walk. It was then that he noticed the leak in the dam, inserted his finger, and saved Holland. The deeper story now appears to be that those ‘cakes’ carried by LDB were in fact hash brownies.”
It is known that the Netherlands is famous for its tolerant drugs policy. But a lot of people don’t realize that drugs are in fact illegal in the Netherlands. Little Dutch Boy had been operating in defiance of Holland’s drug laws, it is now believed. The old blind man in the country is believed by police to have been part of “the Little Dutch Boy smuggling gang,” stated Mynheer Oloffe Van Kortlandt, police spokesperson.
Winant Ten Brock, investigative journalist for the Van Tweeter Times, based on his secret sources, affirms that Little Dutch Boy, on his way back from delivering hash brownies to the old blind man, began munching one of the “little cakes” and went on a “hash trip.” While addled by this drug-induced state, LDB began giggling at the dam which protects Holland from the North Sea. Somehow the idea became funny to him of poking a little hole in the protective dam with his finger. This was somehow done. But then Little Dutch Boy discovered that his finger had been caught in the hole. Not long thereafter, hash fumes caused by stomach digestion of the “little cakes” caused LDB to pass out. The following morning, the “great hero of Holland” was discovered laying on the ground with his finger in the dam. It was then that the duplicitous urchin invented a stupid story which so many Hollanders too-readily believed.
Be on the lookout for Little Dutch Boy, wanted now for questioning. If sighted, DO NOT APPROACH. Instead, contact the proper authorities. It is known that members of his gang have moved to America’s Wall Street, and LDB himself may be cooling the heels of his wooden shoes, waiting for “the heat” to die down, somewhere in the Manhattan island.
Indications coming from this same Wall Street are that the alleged “Little Dutch Boy gang” may have begun to expand its reach. Tentacles of this feared octopus may have reached all the way to Japan, where a Halloween “shock stimulus” startled investors. This “shock stimulus” in Japan occurred almost simultaneously with the end of “Quantitative Easing” (QE) in the United States. The suddenly strong dollar could cause a shift in financial capital away from Japan and into the U.S. currency. Japan may be seeking to get out of its deflationary trap by exporting deflation to other countries. In Japan, a weaker Yen and the “shock stimulus” means higher prices, while in the U.S., a stronger dollar and the end of QE means lower prices. This would be, in other words, deflation.
Ensconced now in Wall Street, the “Little Dutch Boy gang” could know more than a little about this latest Halloween surprise. To what purpose would they be manipulating currencies? One of Winant Ten Brock’s secret sources was pressured into revealing, “Currency wars… And that’s all I’m gonna say. If Little Dutch Boy finds out I blabbed, it will be tulips for me.”
The “tulips” referrent is thought to be underworld argot suggesting an earlier “tulips craze” in which Hollanders were persuaded to purchase huge quantities of the flower. These investors were later ruined when the “tulip bubble” burst. Ten Brock’s secret source was, in other words, saying, “If Little Dutch Boy finds out I blabbed, I’ll be ruined.”
(The above is a satire and not meant literally.)