Fine City Up For Grabs

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley: Rant

“Dis is a fine city,” Mayor Daley the First used to say about Chicago. But now the fine city is up for grabs. Its unofficial motto is “Ubi Est Mea?” (Where’s mine?). Two factions battle over the upcoming April 7th mayoral election. Each side is like two children fighting over who gets the last donut. Meanwhile, all hell is about to break loose in the fine city and in Illinois.

Why should you care? You don’t live in Chicago. Maybe though you live in Illinois. Chicago is the tail which wags the dog Illinois. The “Boss” system of Chicago reaches its tentacles throughout the entire state.

Why should you care? You don’t live in Illinois. Maybe though you live in the United States. A certain Hawaiian carpetbagger once rode his surfboard into Chicago. The Chicago Boss decided he liked this cool surfer dude and promoted him to U.S. Senator. Another fellow however stood in the way: he was John Clemens “Jack” Ryan, who also wanted to be senator. “No problem,” said the Chicago Boss. “Just dig up some dirt on this Ryan guy.” The “dirt” was found (as it can be found for most anyone) and the surfer dude from Hawaii became senator. And now that same surfer dude is the U.S. President!

The surfer dude brought along with him to the White House, once he became President, a fellow named Rahm Emanuel. In 2009, Rahm became the White House Chief of Staff for President Barack Obama. They called Rahm “Rahmbo”, suggesting tough guy Rambo of film fame. Then, on September 7, 2010, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, son of Boss Daley the First, announced he would not seek re-election. “Hot diggity dog!” exclaimed Rahmbo, “Now I can be the Boss!” And so it happened: Rahm Emanuel was shoehorned in as Mayor of Chicago.

In Chicago now they call Mayor Rahm Emanuel “The Rahmfather”, implying the movie “The Godfather”. The sobriquet “Rahmfather” was bestowed by John Kass, a columnist for the Chicago Tribune newspaper. Not only is the Chicago Mayor Rambo, he is Don Vito Corleone! Rahm Emanuel chuckles at the title of The Rahmfather, as could be seen when John Kass bowed low and gave Rahm a Christmas gift portrait (see image hopefully above).

However Jesus “Chuy” Garcia, also running for Mayor of Chicago, is like Virgil “The Turk” Sollozzo. Chuy “The Turk” Garcia wants to move into new territory, but the old Don, God bless him, is slipping (or so Chuy says). The new territory is on the South and West sides of Chicago, in which Chuy wants to rebuild neighborhoods. Don Rahm, however, stays focused on only downtown development. [1]

But the bigger picture is, “Where’s mine?” (Ubi Est Mea?) There is only one donut left! Don Rahm, the Rahmfather, wants the donut for his yuppie pals and big-time financiers. Chuy “The Turk” Garcia wants the donut for his buddies, the Chicago Teachers Union and the Service Employees International Union. Rahm and Chuy are like children fighting over a donut while meanwhile Godzilla rampages through Illinois.

And as for the surfing dude, come late December 2016 he will be packing his carpetbag, preparing to leave town. Will he be returning to Chicago? “Wow, man,” says the dude, “the Lake Michigan waves aren’t much good for surfing.” Instead the dude has his eyes now on California, where the surfing is fine.

——- Sources ——-
[1] “Critic Fioretti says Emanuel has changed, but Garcia downplays endorsement”, by Bill Ruthhart and Juan Perez Jr. Chicago Tribune (online), March 29, 2015.

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About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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