Set a Watchman for Confederate Flag

TV Nation – Bringing Peace to the Michigan Militia

Filmmaker Michael Moore had a television show in the 1990s called “TV Nation.” In one segment (hopefully viewable above), Moore baked a cake with Norm Olson of the Michigan Militia.

In the 1990s, various citizen militias were in the news. They were outraged by heavy-handed federal tactics, such as the siege at Mount Carmel where members of the Branch Davidian faith died. Norm Olson was prominent in these “right wing militias”, and the gag was funny: Michael Moore (leftist) bakes a cake with Norm Olson (right-wing).

Later in the segment Michael Moore and Norm Olson are joined by other members of the Michigan Militia for “training exercises” at an amusement park. They all ride a tilt-a-whirl and share some laughs. Moore at last persuades them to join his group, “Mike’s Militia.”

So we have established beyond doubt the existence of Mike’s Militia.

Now known as Field Marshall von Moore, the aging warrior surveyed the battlefield after the June 17th demonic attack upon the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church where nine Bible-studying African-Americans were slain by “Storm Roof”. Members of that church are heroes to me because they displayed true Christianity after the traumatic event and continued with their Bible studies. However the Field Marshall was having none of this: he took out his binoculars and espied Confederate flags in the region. Like Pavlov’s dogs connecting bells with food, Field Marshall von Moore connected the church shootings with Confederate flags. “Tear down that flag!” he ordered. Mike’s Militia mobilized and went into action.

All seemed to presage a great victory for the troops. South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley called for the Confederate flag to be removed from statehouse grounds. Elsewhere throughout the South, raiders tore down the “Reb” flag on their own. And among Mike’s Militia members, as they sat around their camp fires at night singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic (His truth is marching on), there began to be heard rumors that Atticus Finch was rising from the grave to join their cause.

Atticus Finch, of course, was the memorable character in the Harper Lee novel, To Kill A Mockingbird. Finch had battled evil white southerners in the 1930s. And now, by some miracle, Finch was being resurrected! A sequel to the Harper Lee novel had been unearthed. It was about to be published under the title, Go Set a Watchman. The talk was that Atticus Finch, now older, would again do battle against the evil white southerners, this time in the 1950s. A few members of Mike’s Militia even dared to hope Finch might battle to remove the Confederate flag.

“Glory, glory, hallelujah!” sang Mike’s Militia as they sat around the camp fires. The Field Marshall gazed off into the distance, a prophet gnawing on a Chuck E. Cheese pizza.

Then the unthinkable happened: the sequel was published and Atticus Finch had become a segregationist! “Readers will be shocked to learn that Atticus had once been a member of the Ku Klux Klan and believes the NAACP ‘has stirred up… trouble’ in the state,” wrote one reviewer. [1]

Field Marshall von Moore’s jaw dropped and bits of pizza fell from his mouth. “This cannot be!” he cried. “It was all supposed to be so different!”

Defeat had been snatched from the jaws of victory, or so it seemed to Mike’s Militia. Dejected members looked to their beloved Field Marshall for any sign of encouragement. But he could only shrug his shoulders and order, “Remove Harper Lee from the approved list.” And so it was that minions of Mike’s Militia began to belittle Harper Lee. “Well, her editor had helped her with To Kill a Mockingbird. And anyway, Truman Capote probably wrote the book and not Harper Lee. This Go Set a Watchman sequel doesn’t hold a candle to the first book besides.” [1]

Harper Lee began to slowly be erased from reputable literati history. But still the damage had been down. Set a Watchman Atticus Finch appeared to have a Confederate flag stashed somewhere in his home, or even displayed on his front porch. The Field Marshall and Mike’s Militia were dejected indeed as they huddled by the camp fire.

And it was at this woeful time that an old friend paid a visit. It was Norm Olson! “Come on, Mike,” he said. “Let’s bake a cake.”

(The above is satire and not meant literally.)

——- Sources ——-
[1] “A Changed Atticus Finch”, by Tom Beer. Tribune News Service. Published in the Champaign-Urbana News-Gazette, July 19, 2015. Page F-3.

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About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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