Psaki and Chichakyan: At the Movies

Psaki’s Greatest Hits Episode 12 Gayane Chichakyan pisses off Psaki

“Siskel and Ebert: At the Movies” was a hit show in which Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert critiqued the latest films. Roger Ebert grumbled about Siskel getting his name first in the billing: After all, Ebert comes before Siskel in the alphabet. And besides that, Ebert had won a Pulitzer prize and Siskel had not.

Beneath the surface, there was tension between Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel. The two did not much like each other. Eventually, after many years working together, the animosity lessened and the two even became friends. (See the recommended documentary, Life Itself, for the interesting behind-the-scenes story of Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel.)

Which brings us to Jen Psaki and Gayane Chichakyan. During U.S. State Department briefings, feline animosity existed on the periphery whenever Chichakyan, a reporter for Russia Today, asked questions of then-State Department spokesperson Jen Psaki. Hopefully you can see an example in a brief video clip at top. You can almost hear the two making ghastly “meows” at each other. However, like Siskel and Ebert, there is an undeniable chemistry between Psaki and Chichakyan.

In her State Department days, Psaki was avidly watched by the Russians. It was like a case of, “She is so bad that she is good.” A late-night TV craze, “Psaki at Night,” poked fun in Russia at Psaki’s daily performance. Russia became actually obsessed with Jen Psaki. [1]

Which shows that unbeknownst to Psaki she has star quality. Add to that the electric chemistry between her and Chichakyan, and you have a sure-fire popular television show: Psaki and Chichakyan: At the Movies.

I know the logistics on this would be an uphill battle. Just imagine the producer trying even to bring the two together in the same room.

PRODUCER (meeting privately with Psaki): Jen, I have a great show in the works and I’d like you to be a key part of it. I envision a movie review type of show, along the lines of Siskel and Ebert. You would be paired with Gayane Chichakyan…

PSAKI (interrupts): Do not mention that name in my presence.

The logistics would be equally difficult for getting Chichakyan to agree.

PRODUCER: Hi, Gayane! Look, I am developing a movie review program which I anticipate will be big, maybe as big as Siskel and Ebert. I plan to call it Psaki and Chichakyan: At the Movies.

CHICHAKYAN: Psaki? That name rings a bell, associated with unpleasant memories.

Anyway, maybe sufficient salary could bring Psaki and Chichakyan together again in the same room. The two take their seats in front of the camera and the first taping begins.

PSAKI: Today we will be reviewing the new movie, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. It is based upon the 1960s television show of the same name. Here is a short clip.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. – Official Trailer 2

PSAKI (continues): So Cold War enemies Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin amazingly put aside their differences and join forces to combat a terrorist? Really, I find this hard to believe. The film presents as unlikely a possibility as Russia and the United States becoming allies in the fight against ISIS, ISIL, or whatever you call it. I give the movie zero stars.

CHICHAKYAN: Jen, you couldn’t be more wrong! This movie is timely and to-the-point. Why couldn’t the East and West unite against a common threat? The message of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. is highly relevant at this time. I give the movie 5 stars.

PSAKI (haughtily): I think we are ready to move on.

This last statement always infuriates Chichakyan, for it reminds her of how, in State Department press briefings, Psaki was always disrespecting her questions by saying this. We see Chichakyan’s fingernails actually begin to grow in length.

CHICHAKYAN: How nice your hair looks, Jen! It would be perfect except I can see some streaks of grey. Perhaps you could use “Grey Away” or some such American product.

PSAKI: And how nice your dress looks, Gayane. Did you get that at Wal-Mart? I heard they were having a sale.

The show ends with Psaki and Chichakyan rising from their chairs and warily circling each other. Scary meow noises are heard.

Foreseen is that the weekly program, Psaki and Chichakyan: At the Movies, would be popular enough worldwide to justify a sequel to The Man from U.N.C.L.E.The Gyrl From U.N.C.L.E. Mrs. Napoleon Solo (Jen Psaki) pairs up with Mrs. Illya Kuryakin (Gayane Chichakyan) to thwart the evil plans of THRUSH, an international organization bent upon world domination which fans the flames of East versus West in order to ultimately bring both world powers to their knees.

——- Sources ——-
[1] “Russia’s late-night TV craze, ‘Psaki at Night,’ pokes fun at newest White House appointee”, by Brian Ries. Mashable, February 19, 2015. http://mashable.com/2015/02/19/psaki-at-night/

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About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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