Vatican Analysis From Father Guido Sarducci

Pope Pius XII & Hitler Connections Explained with Father Guido Sarducci

Some say Father Guido Sarducci is some sort of comedian. But look first at Father Guido, then look at the Popes, and then ask yourself: Who is the real comedian?

Around August 13, 2015, Father Guido was interviewed on Harper Simon’s “Talk Show” program. Besides being included with yesterday’s blog entry [1], the approximately 24-minute video can currently be found on YouTube under the title, “Father Guido Sarducci talks Pope Francis, Elvis & UFOs at The Vatican on Harper Simon’s TALK SHOW.”

In the August 13 video, Father Guido offers his veteran analysis of the Vatican. Lamentably, as of August 13th anyway, Father Guido had received no offers yet to cover the American tour of Pope Francis, now underway. The good Father Guido had expressed hopes that perhaps the Washington Post might fund such coverage, but this seems not to have happened. So, at the moment anyway, we are left with the August 13th interview, as well as a March 18, 2013 radio interview. [2]

As I recall from the 2013 radio interview, when Cardinal Bergoglio was chosen to be the new Pope Francis, he refused to sit upon the papal throne. This was attributed to his humility, however Father Guido says the thing has been misunderstood. Really, the new Pope Francis was complaining about the humidity, but people heard him wrong. From there, the humidity/humility confusion attached itself to how Pope Francis cooked his own meals. This, says Father Guido, is not because of humility but because the pope is afraid of being poisoned.

In the more recent August 13, 2015 interview, Father Guido analyzes the Pope Francis position on “global warming” and is skeptical about it. If Pope Francis is really against “global warming”, then why hasn’t he brought back meatless Fridays? That was a former policy which forbade Catholics from eating meat on Friday. The amount of energy required to produce meat is much more than that required for vegetables, and a return to meatless Fridays would save energy. Also don’t eat walnuts and pecans on some day, urged Father Guido, because they take too much water to grow. So “pecan-less Tuesdays” is suggested. And no almonds except on Wednesdays. Switch to trail mix instead.

The pope speaking against “global warming” is a strategic way of diverting attention from pedophile priests, theorizes Father Guido.

Father_Guido_Sarducci

Is Pope Francis as progressive as people think? “Not yet. He hasn’t really changed anything yet,” observes Father Guido. The ban on birth control stays the same. Married priests “is never gonna happen. The organization isn’t set up like that, it’s built on cheap labor. Parish priests earn about $500 per month. If they got married and had children, it would start costing too much money,” surmises Father Guido. “Now, if a priest is putting up some ‘star over the manger’ scene and he falls off a ladder, they just bury him. But if he was married, she would be suing the archdiocese.”

Welcoming divorced persons back into the Catholic church would be good for the collection plate, advises Father Guido.

Father Guido’s Vatican Inquirer tabloid newspaper has been covering such issues as “Benedict Escapes From Rehab” (too much drinking of schnapps, a German alcoholic beverage, and a tunnel escape from the rehabilitation center), UFOs sighted flying over the Vatican, “Elvis Sighted at Vatican”, and “Peas on the Cob,” this last apparently a Vatican-sponsored invention where peas can be eaten like corn-on-the-cob.

At the top of today’s blog entry can hopefully be seen an excerpt from the August 13, 2015 interview, discussing three specially trained parrots taught to recite the Lord’s Prayer. Adolph Hitler and the Nazis had reportedly given these special parrots to Pope Pius XII, back when he was still a Cardinal. Pope Pius was also the first pope to use an electric razor, and he almost got electrocuted when he tried to rinse it.

——- Sources ——-
[1] “Shower With the Pope”, Ersjdamoo’s Blog, September 19, 2015. https://ersjdamoo.wordpress.com/2015/09/19/shower-with-the-pope/
[2] “Listen: Father Guido Sarducci on the Election of Pope Francis”, TruthDig, March 18, 2013. http://www.truthdig.com/avbooth/item/listen_father_guido_sarducci_on_the_election_of_pope_francis_20130318

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About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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