Existential Crisis at FBI

A sense of ennui pervades the halls of the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington, DC. There, in their cubicles, listless agents go through the motions of answering telephone calls.

In one such cubicle, the phone rings. It is September of 2017. The FBI agent, let us call him Squibb, half-heartedly lifts the phone and wearily says, “FBI. How may I help you?”

“Hello, FBI?” says the caller. “This is Ben Bennight. I am a ‘Vlogger’, a Video Logger on YouTube.”

“Fascinating,” Agent Squibb groans to himself.

“Anyway,” continues Bennight, “I wanted to report something which might be important. Someone called Nikolas Cruz left a comment on my video. He commented, ‘I’m going to be a professional school shooter.'”

Agent Squibb sighed. Why did he exist? Ever since he had realized that the FBI has no charter, troubling thoughts such as “What is my legal basis for being?” kept pouring through his mind.

But Squibb went through the motions and filed a report. The next day, two local FBI agents knocked on Bennight’s door. They were very professional and conducted the requisite interview. But in their heart of hearts lingered doubts about their raison d’être.

Still, lethargic FBI agents made superficial attempts to figure out, “Who was this Nikolas Cruz?” Then it came time to punch the clock and go home. In the end, the FBI decided it was unable to identify Cruz.

(Source: Fox & Friends First, February 16, 2018. The conversation has been imagined, but the situation is based on fact.)



About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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One Response to Existential Crisis at FBI

  1. Pingback: Lame Stories From Parkland | Ersjdamoo's Blog

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