Resurrection of Finn McFloyd


Finn Mac Cool, “a legendary hero of old Ireland,” must carry under the armpits to his jacket two young fosterlings through the whole of Erin, as well as six arm-bearing warriors in the seat of his pants. “One hundred head of cattle he must accommodate with wisdom about his person when walking all Erin, the half about his armpits and the half about his trews, his mouth never halting from the discoursing of sweet poetry.” [1]

And now, another legendary hero has appeared in the land: George Floyd, soon to be known as Finn McFloyd. Many are the mighty tales beginning to be told about Finn McFloyd: Already, in June 2020, we began to hear how Finn McFloyd drove the money changers from the temple by introducing an alternative currency. The “Judas” in this tale would be officer Derek Chauvin, who worked at the same company as Floyd for much of the year before their fatal encounter on a Minneapolis street. [2] Chauvin, now convicted on all three counts, compares with Pooka MacPhellimey, a hobgoblin of Irish folklore. The magical enchantress Maxine Waters uttered the incantation “guilty, guilty, guilty” in the environs of Minneapolis and Pooka Chauvin was found guilty on all three counts. [1][3]

Before too long, statues of Finn McFloyd shall appear throughout the land, replacing the Christopher Columbus statues which were torn down last year. We shall see depicted Finn McFloyd striding forth ‘cross the plains, as did once Mighty McCain of old, who offered shiny glass beads to the Navajos. [4] Perhaps Chauvin also will be depicted, ground down beneath the heel of Finn McFloyd.

Get ready for the one-year anniversary of Finn McFloyd’s death, May 25th, commemorating when he ascended bodily into Heaven. His 9-minute 29-second litany is sure to feature in the commemoration and will include the moment when McFloyd said “Mama” just before his ascension. And who was this “Mama”? Having given birth to Finn McFloyd, she can be no less mighty herself. And how about a national holiday and some songs? An Australian band, Finn Mac Cool, might tell in song the astounding tale.

——- Sources ——-
[1] “Flann O’Brien’s Novel At Swim-Two-Birds Is a Postmodernist Masterpiece of Comic Storytelling”, by Edwin Turner. February 11, 2013.
[2] “George Floyd Died For Your Sins”, Ersjdamoo’s Blog, June 7, 2020.
[3] “Bloodlust Surrounds Chauvin Trial”, Ersjdamoo’s Blog, April 18, 2021.
[4] “McCain and the Shiny Glass Beads”, Ersjdamoo’s Blog, August 21, 2015.


About ersjdamoo

Editor of Conspiracy Nation, later renamed Melchizedek Communique. Close associate of the late Sherman H. Skolnick. Jack of all trades, master of none. Sagittarius, with Sagittarius rising. I'm not a bum, I'm a philosopher.
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